YELLING AT KIDS! Why it doesn’t work for mums…
Just lately, I’ve found myself falling into the habit of raising my voice (alright… yelling might be a bit more of an honest description) at the kids in the morning. All in what seems to be a futile effort to get them to school on time.
I don’t get why this is happening, you see I do all the right things in order to avoid this happening:
1. I’m up early preparing the kids lunch & breakfast, while they continue to dream.
2. Once I’ve accomplished these tasks, my little people are woken with lots of tickling and love, given a warm welcoming to another wonderful happy day.
3. All their uniforms are hanging, ready and waiting.
4. School bags are packed and stacked near the front door.
5. Hair brushes present and anticipating their usefulness.
6.Toothpaste in stock.
7. The endless stream of school paperwork is signed and ready in envelops.
8. Then finally, a glass of water awaits them on the bench, to be consumed as they rush out on their way to school.
So why is it that even though; I look like something the cat dragged in, I’ve eaten my breakfast on the run (which often causes me to choke on my fruit & nuts), stood steadfast in my refusal to be distracted from my mission, screaming at the phone if it rings at me – instead of answering it, all this & still I’m unable to get the kids prepared & ready for school on time?
Well, I think I may have figured it out… !
If I am calm and together, happy and very nearly enlightened, we do manage to get to school pretty happily and just on time.
Okay, but one cannot always be at ones best can one?
So – at the other times when; life gets on top on me, sleep is bad, stress is rampant, it’s then that I start to notice my voice gradually building, getting higher and louder until eventually it is I who feels like I am killing myself , with my own voice.
Killing myself, because no one else seems to hear me anyway!
My Why Facts:
1. If you yell at a child it will work for the first 3 days… (if your lucky).
Why can’t children hear their mothers yell at them?
2. Because children just are not scared of most mums. They very quickly become immune to our desperate pleas and even our rampant yells!
You may take this trust our children have in us as a compliment, but it’s not going to get them dressed in the morning 🙁
So what are we to do?
1. No. I have thought of running away, but my kids would follow me.
2. I have tried to meditate but it just seems to give me more energy to y…
3. Stop yelling? Oh right, yes, I guess, but how?
I really can’t say what will work for you, but what I do know, is something called mindfulness can help!
It’s like meditation only it is an instant thing, you don’t have to wait to be a meditation guru for it to work! Yay!
When I notice my anger rising:
1. I just observe it rising and shift my mind towards noticing my breath as I walk away from the children.
2. When I am calmer I come back and ask the kids with love:
What are you doing Johnny?
What should you be doing Johnny?
I explain what the consequences are going to be if Johnny doesn’t do what he should be doing- and lastly – Johnny must choose to do it or choose to not to do it and if he doesn’t then suffer the consequences of not doing it.
I know it’s still not easy, but there is no point yelling, it only makes you feel bad about yourself as a parent. As long as you give it a go you will get better at the technique.
Don’t expect to succeed every time either, and when you do slip up, which we all do, just refocus yourself again and don’t buy into the guilt. Give it a go, you and your kids will be happier.
So GOOD LUCK. p.s I am not yelling at you 🙂